Date: 5/4/11
Subject: Proper Cake Disposal
To: All Aperture Science employees and test subjects
From: GlaDOS

We are pleased to announce that prototyping of the Aperture Science Fresh Cake Disposal System (v.2 Now with Music!) is complete. You may refer to it by its easy to remember acronym: ASFCDSv.2NWM!. We are also pleased to extend condolences to the families of those who died during construction. The new ASFCDSv.2NWM! in effect addresses several problems, and its usage must be explained so that all problems can be effectively addressed. Please read and follow all guidelines. Failure to do so will result in termination (if an employee) and painful termination (if a test subject).

You may have noticed that our facilities produce an overabundance of delicious, moist cake for use in the Enrichment Center. Please note the cake being dispensed at the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube.

When you have accidentally made contact with cake in any way, the automated system will efficiently remove it for your convenience. An Aperture Science Sentry-Bot armed with an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device will swiftly open an ad-hoc quantum tunnel so that the cake is hygenically disposed of in the upper level incinerator. Please note that this incinerator is kept at a temperature of 2500 degrees Celsius and is capable of disposing of human remains.

Our ASFCDSv.2NWM! is currently the most effective and safe government-funded cake disposal system available. It is expected to increase the overall laboratory safety by 3 percentage points, to a current total of 3 percentage points.

Remember, we are proud of our facilities, but depend on your proper observance of protocol to make them a safe place to work. Failure to do so will result in termination (if an employee) and painful termination (if a test subject).

Please enjoy the cake,
GlaDOS